kokutan-tenshi

Does anybody remember what that means? Yeah, I didn't think I'd be doing it at 21, either. But sometimes these things happen.

So I'm moving home to Nebraska, hopefully by January 5th or around that time. Hope to be seeing some of my favorite deviants soon.

After spending a significant amount of time with my advisers and graduation counselors and such, it has been decided that I will need to spend an extra year doing undergraduate work than I had planned. There are several reasons for this, some being financial, some being my level of sanity. One being that I need to study for the GRE in order to get in to grad school and I can't do that when I'm too busy studying for other stuff, so I'm going to cut my workload and spread it over the next two years instead of squashing it into the next nine months. What that means is, instead of graduation with BA in Psych in May, I'll be graduationg with my BA in Psych in May 2014 and going to grad school that fall.

The other aspects to take into account with this decision is that I will have to be farther away from my life-long friends for a bit longer. As most of you know, I wasn't even planning on being gone for more than six months originally, and now it's going to be a total of almost three years... But sometimes that happens when you find a good man . He's not complaining much, wither, alhtough this delay in moving means we're delaying moving closer to his grandparents as well. It's all in how we look at it, though, because now he has almost two more years to progress with his band and hopefully they can develop to the point where they can tour or work a little more long-distance by the time Chris and I need to move.

Not that any of this is a terrible thing. We have a wonderful apartment and all we'll have to do is extend the lease for another year when the time comes. One of the only sucky parts is that I'll still have to make the one-hour commute to my classes and the one-hour commute from my classes at least twice a week until I graduate. Fortunately, we have at least one fuel-efficient vehicle to do so. And the program is totally worth it, and a reputable school to boot. There are several places in the area I'm considering getting a job at - in Mississippi, you can become a substitute teacher in your area without having anything but a GED or high school diploma. I wouldn't mind doing that or working in a special needs program locally. I need these things anyway in order to have plenty of references for grad school.

The last thing that's affecting my life right now is the fact that I've now had four cases of MRSA. This disease infiltrates your immmune system and acts like an infection on crack. It has the potential to eat through tissue, muscle, and bone. Usually, a strong round of antibiotics will zap it in two weeks or less. The problem is that once you have one infection, you are a permanent carrier. You have recurring infections because of stress, poor diet, and immune system weaknesses. Your pet could also be a carrier, even if it does not show infections, and transfer it to you. Naturally, I have tendencies in all of these areas, which has lead to the subsequent infections. What this disease does, though, is it begins to outsmart the medication you use to treat it. For most people, this isn't a problem, and they have only one or two infections over a lifetime, and one or two isn't enough to let the disease adapt in your body. However, I have now had four in less than a year. If I continue to get them (and this last one has already lasted fifty percent longer than the usual lifepsan of MRSA), medication will no longer be effective, and the only means with which to remove the infection will be surgical - which is both extreme, risky, costly, not enitrely effective in some cases. Now, there is a relatively common treatment to remove the strain of infection from your body entirely, but the treatment costs $2600 and must be done over the course of nearly six months. Until we can come up with some other options, I just have to contiue some simpler, cheaper (but not necessarily cheap) antibiotics to ward off any small infections until this major one dies down. Cross your fingers for me, and if any of you have had to deal with this, send me some info and let me know what you did.

Anyway, I'm sure you've figured out that the writing is going to continue to be slow-going until I can lighten my load, and I hope that you continue to read what comes along. Thanks readers! Love you all - be deviant!

Hi there, and hello! If you're a new watcher, welcome welcome. If you're a regular, welcome back!

I don't have much going in the way of inspiration right now - I just post things as they come. Sorry if it feels like slow-going for you. Trust me, it feels like eternity on my end.

Now, I've also started photo shoots with and she's done some pretty fantastic work. We're anticipating another shoot this week, possibly a bedroom or light "bdsm" theme. She primarily does pics for local bands, but a few of us models were lucky enough to connect with her and each other and have more than enough chemistry to work with! That being said, if any of you photographers or models are in our area (Biloxi, MS is is a really close, large city), please let us know and we would be willing to collaborate! We will do any theme, anyplace, but no nudity (one of our models is a minor) and must be semi-public for safety reasons.

So, on with the personal part of my blog! I have a new job (yay!) and have just started finalizing my first project in my Intalgio class for the semester, so pictures will follow after the official critique. I've been passing my tests with at least B's, so everything seems to be going well! My cat and dog finally play together effectively (awesome) and the man and I have been getting at least enough sleep to not pass out during the day.

Been missing my friends from home a little (read: a lot) and I think that's what lead to my first-ever lucid dream last night. I've never been able to decide anything in my dreams before. Usually I'm just a bystander. If I do talk, it's nothing I decided to say, it's just part of the dream and I have no control over it. But I had a dream about a friend I lost recently and I think that part of the reason I had it has do to with the fact that I've been missing home, and the fact that it was lucid may have to do with the intensity with which I wish I could change the fact that I have to be so far away from you guys. Send me a little love, please? P.S. Weaurufu, that does NOT mean I have to lose the game every eighteen hours. Just leave me a little love on here or facebook and I'll do the same for you Mwah!

- Personal Stuff Here -
It feels very strange to think that I'll be 21 Friday, and I will have my Associates degree on the same day, and I will have only a year left to work on my neglected Bachelor's degree. I will have six months to build a significant reputation with my new instructors, have them fill out recommendations to my Graduate program, and complete all of the interviews and requirements for admission to the program in Chicago.

That's all extremely intimidating. Every last bit of it. Especially the "six months" part. I know I can do a lot in six months, but growing up /entirely/ is not one of them. I still have to put on a good show of it, or I won't get into the program and I can say buh-bye to my career goals.

- START READING HERE -
Let me tell you all this now - I don't care what you have to do to get it done, but if you set a career goal, let nothing I REPEAT nothing, stand in your way. Being an adult sucks, I know, blahblahblah. But it will suck a whole lot less if you prioritize early and don't waste time on short-term relationships or jobs that are not in line with your career path. Kick everything out of your way, and go for it. If I hadn't grown some lady-balls and done what I did in the last eight months, I'd be nowhere, with no support, and no career options that were above high-school completion level. And I would have been unhappy. I'd be in counseling, thinking irrationally - I'd still be putting on a fake face every morning, lying to myself and my family and my friends.

But I'm here now. I gave myself one hell of a kick in the pants, and I traded in my old life for a new one. It was scary and frustrating and I hated the transition but I'm back on track and I'm not going to stop. I had to recognize that the relationship I was in (though I was in love) was unhealthy because I wasn't getting the support I needed. I had to realize that nobody was going to help me to my goals and that I would have to go for them, full-force, and hope I'd find friends along the way. Right now, short-term friendships are nonexistent. But that means I can focus on my goals without distractions, and I've been able to recognize who my true, life-long friends are (chances are, if you are reading this, you are one of them) and get the support I need when I need it.

I'm finally happy. Really, truly working towards my goals. I'm recognizing myself as a strong, independent woman who is also smart enough to realize when she's over her head and where to go for help. I wish that every single one of my readers could find that in themselves - I've read so much of your struggles and if you can write about it, you are strong enough to use it to your advantage. I know that life sometimes gets in the way of your ideal itinerary, but I promise you that if you can stick as close as you can to it, you will find yourself in a happier place in the long run.

Please, just know that there is always somebody out there who you can talk to, some decisions you can make that will probably hurt at the time but will make a lasting improvement in the end.
I know you are all strong - play to your strengths. Always.

So I'm back online after a very long period of neglectful behavior Sorry, my dears. By the way, in case any of you ever dared to wonder, dA cuts off storage of messages at 1700. I went through all the poetry and prose today. Chris fell asleep while I did it. He's so cute when he's sleeping.

Also, I noticed that nearly all of my favorite writers on here posted something having to vaguely do with the ocean, or sea, or water. Which is a common thing to mention with us writers, especially in dealing with love. And lust.

So today, I was cleaning out and sorting my old computer documents and found something I must have written several months ago, tited "sea glass" and I've decided to share it.

It's strange, the way I can read things I've written but not remember why I wrote them or what I was feeling when I wrote it. Like another person must have done it.

Anyway, that is all I have for the day, I hope to be writing more often very soon